there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
