I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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