Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
