Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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