Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize