Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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