"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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