piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
