He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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