we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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