Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
