The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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