Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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