I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
