he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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