Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
