the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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