The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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