I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
