True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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