Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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