you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
