I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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