I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
