New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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