When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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