jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
