roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
