also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
