In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
