Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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