how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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