3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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