I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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