you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
