New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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