Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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