i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
