im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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