Do you still have your period?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
