I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
