Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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