the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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