You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
