Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
