I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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