Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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