I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
