I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
