He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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