Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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