My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize