Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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