I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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