For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
