fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
