Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
