We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
