Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
