I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
