Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
