dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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