Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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