It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
