It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
