I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
