may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
