If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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