Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
