We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
