I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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