new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
