big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
