Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
