my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
