clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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