no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they're like a gay fantastic four
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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