I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
